How Do You Choose The Right People To Date?

Do you know how to choose the right people to date? Do you wonder if you are making a mistake when you agree to see someone?

Lots of people are cautious when they are meeting new people. Their reserve can send a signal that they are not interested, when in fact, they are just unsure of what to do and say until they know the person better.

First of all, if you are introduced to a potential date through friends and family, then you have just cut through a lot of curiosity about their past and their history. You can have a greater degree of trust in the person, though you still need to pay attention to the signs of when someone is not right for you.

But if you are meeting someone without the link of mutual connections, you need to: listen for the messages.

Most of us have had those moments in life where we heard a small voice inside trying to break through and be heard. I describe those times as messages delivered on butterfly wings.

Butterfly messages are fluttering murmurs telling us gently topay attention. Unfortunately, we often dont. We ignore that inner signal because our other needs are too loud or we dont value our own opinion. Sometimes, we even think we are just making it up.

When that butterfly message isnt heard and acted upon, it will come back to us at a later date, stronger and louder. This time the message could feel like a sharp tap on the shoulder that says, Excuse me, but youd better pay attention to this! The person you are considering going out with is sending danger signals that you are missing."

There are some of us who dont respond to the message even when it is as convincing as a strong tap or even a shove. We notice it, but we are too caught up in our fear of loneliness or our own struggles and dilemmas.

The next time the same message comes to us, it hits us in the head with a BRICKBAT. This time, we cant miss it. (It could be a lie we have caught the person in, a display of temper, or another lover we have seen them with.) Brickbat messages hurt.

Let the following reminders help you recognize the hovering sounds of your own voice, trying to get your attention about:

Have you got friends who lead you into dark places? Addictions, gossip, or even unnecessary spending are all ways we do ourselves in, and then later live in despair. Change your friends, your habits, your self-destructive ways. Help is out there for you but you have to ask for it.

What are your dreams, and how can you pick them up and activate them? As a single's coach, when I ask people what they want, they often give me a blank stare and say, I have no idea. You need an idea. Take some quiet time and imagine how you would like your life to be.

Clean up your past by making your apologies, mourning what was lost or will never be, and taking responsibility for what is yours to handle. Eliminate those activities and relationships that drain you, and find people who support your life, plans, and dreams.

Listen carefully for the butterfly messages. They will save you grief from choosing someone who is not right for you.

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*r*e*e Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)

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